At first glance, writing a memoir seems like an easy task. It’s just writing about yourself, right? Well, not quite. While diving into your personal story can be a deeply rewarding experience, it can also be difficult to know where to start—or stop. In this article, we lay out some steps to help you along the way.

But before we dive in, let’s cover what a memoir actually is and, more importantly, what it isn’t.

What Is a Memoir Anyway?

First and foremost, a memoir is not an autobiography. Although the two terms are often confused, memoirs and autobiographies are two distinctly different categories of books. While both involve an author talking about themselves and their lived experiences, a memoir isn’t “about” the author. It’s about their theme.

In other words, an autobiography is a book written by and about a person, while a memoir is a book that uses personal stories to talk about a larger but finite topic. Rather than the purpose being to provide a detailed account of a life up to a certain point, a memoir uses the lens of personal experience to explore themes such as overcoming adversity, accepting change, coming of age, and more.

Find a Theme for Your Memoir

Although we listed a few above, the theme or themes of your memoir can be whatever you like as long as it aligns with the stories you share. However, it can be overwhelming to try zeroing in on a theme when you first start. If this sounds like you, consider these methods to work it out:

  • Look back on your life to identify significant moments. Do they share any elements in common, such as needing to overcome hardship, the importance of human connection, selflessness, and so on?
  • Think about what you want to share with the reader. If looking to the past doesn’t work, try looking to the future: What do you hope your reader takes away from your story? A sense of hope? Courage? Inspiration?
  • Reflect on your place in the world. Sometimes it’s our unique perspective that gives us our theme. Maybe you’ve experienced life on “both sides” of a situation or experienced both extremes of social or cultural status.

You also aren’t tied to one theme forever! You may start writing, thinking your theme is overcoming adversity, only to find that it feels more authentic to explore compassion, perseverance, or whatever else jumps out at you!

Gather Your Resources

That means the “unconventional” resources too. Since writing a memoir is so personal, your resource list might extend far past the usual notepad and reference books. Pull together photos, trinkets, and other items that bring back important moments, and keep them nearby as you work.

Outline Your Memoir

Setting a theme and knowing your personal history are only two parts of what makes a memoir work. You still need to make sure that your book has all the right elements to feel complete. As the saying goes: measure twice, cut once. Outlining helps you do just that.

Drafting an outline also helps you identify the structure of your story, which is essential for all memoirs. On the surface, that structure can be described as making sure your story has a beginning, middle, and end. In a memoir, we can break this down a little further.

Although there are numerous structure subtypes to choose from, the basic structure of a memoir is similar to what you might see in fiction.

  • Introduction. The reader is introduced to the themes through the author’s personal stories of “old” beliefs, circumstances, status, and so on.
  • Inciting incident. Something happens that challenges the status quo. The author might experience a life-changing event, have their worldview shift, or get the stroke of inspiration they’ve been waiting for. This creates the forward momentum of the story.
  • Rising action. The author now wants or needs something (from the inciting incident). They continue to be challenged and gain a deeper understanding of the themes through those challenges.
  • Climax. The author faces their biggest challenge yet, whether it’s a physical challenge, such as almost falling right before you summit a mountain, or a personal challenge, such as overcoming stage fright or another internal struggle.
  • Falling action. The author explores the aftermath of the climax, ties up loose ends, and starts winding down for the end.
  • Conclusion. Having made it out the other side, the author draws the story to a satisfying close with thematic final thoughts for the reader.

With an outline detailing the elements above, your memoir is sure to deliver a satisfying impact.

Drafting Your Memoir

No two ways about it, you have to actually type out that manuscript. This step may go without saying, but there are still a few tips to keep in mind as you write:

  • Only include details and stories that are relevant to your themes. Sure, the story about that one time you spilled coffee on Madonna is pretty funny—but does it help convey your overall message? Too much extra information waters down what you have to say.
  • Write for your audience. Every author should write for themselves first, but that doesn’t mean ignoring how readers will feel about it. With memoirs, it’s particularly important that your book shows your point of view. Your story isn’t about events. It’s about how you experienced them.
  • Think like a fiction writer. No, don’t make things up, but think about your story as if it were being written by a fiction author. How would they choose to describe your life, decisions, and experiences? This thought exercise can help with what comes next.
  • Use vivid, emotional language. At the end of the day, most readers want a memoir to make them feel, think, or wonder about something, and that’s where evocative language comes in.
  • Don’t be afraid to get personal. Memoirs are personal by nature, so don’t be afraid to open up and be vulnerable. A raw, authentic approach to your story can help a reader connect with you.

Decide the Next Steps

So you’ve finished your memoir—now what? Well, now it’s time to decide whether to seek out a traditional publishing house or go full DIY and make it happen yourself.

If you want tips on how to self-publish, check out our article.

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